


I'm Not Going Anywhere

by awkwardlesbian317



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-17
Updated: 2017-01-17
Packaged: 2018-09-18 01:51:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9360299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/awkwardlesbian317/pseuds/awkwardlesbian317
Summary: After 3x06 (Emerson was banished)After she and Titus talked in 3xo6, Clarke feels that she put Lexa in danger by saving her own people and refusing to kill Emerson. Lexa refuses to let Clarke leave Polis for her. They spend some quiet time together, Lexa tells Clarke about Costia.I had much more planned for this fic but I write my own material and didn't have time to finish it.I appreciate ANY feedback regarding the story or writing, I'm always trying to better myself.My tumblr: 3be-who-you-want-to-be17





	

“You did the right thing, Clarke.” Lexa said. She stood near the doorway of my room with her hands held together. I could feel her watching me as I sorted out the books that were scattered around the room. As I placed all the books in a pile on the desk, I couldn’t help but remember what Titus had told me when he was in here earlier. ‘I fear this will get her killed,’ he had said.  
As Titus had pointed out, Blood must not have Blood had never been a Grounder policy. The twelve clans would never stand for it. Lexa claimed that her nightmare was a warning from the last leaders. At the time, I hadn’t put much thought into it. It was just a nightmare. But now I wondered if it was more than that. What if by saving my people, and by refusing to kill Emerson, I had sentenced Lexa to death?  
“Clarke.” I didn’t answer Lexa. I just ignored her as I picked up two more books from the couch and carried them over to the desk. I heard footsteps as Lexa walked across the room until she was right next to me.  
“I don’t want to talk.” I said simply as she stared at me. I couldn’t even look at her, knowing that I may be the one to cause her fall. I had finally finished collecting and straightening the books, so I grabbed the only one I had left out, my sketchbook, and one of the charcoal pieces that Lexa had given me. I started to turn away to go sit down when she grabbed my arm and turned me towards her. I stared at the pile of books instead of meeting her eyes.  
“What is it that troubles you?” She asked. Then it seemed to dawn on her. “Have you been speaking to Titus?” I crossed my arms over my chest and reluctantly met her gaze. She took that as confirmation and nodded. “You fear that my new policy will get me killed.” I watched as her expression grew softer and she stared into my eyes as if she were staring into my soul. Just like I hadn’t been able to look at her a moment ago, I suddenly couldn’t look away.  
“I’m putting you in danger just by being here.” My next words were harder to say than I could have imagined they would be. “Skaikru has denied your offer to become part of the coalition. That means you don’t need an ambassador for them anymore. You should just let me go. It’s safer that way.”  
“Not for you. You won’t be accepted by your people. Not after living with their enemy. I can’t guarantee your safety if you leave Polis. This is the safest place for you.” I shrugged as if it wasn’t that big of a deal.  
“I’ve survived on my own before. I’ll be fine.” I kept my expression calm and cool, showing no emotion. But Lexa wasn’t having it. She almost seemed angry that I was even considering leaving. Did she have no concern for her own well-being?  
“No. I’m not letting you leave Polis.”  
“And if I try to leave?” Her eyes narrowed, trying to figure out if I would actually try.  
“If you try to leave I will revoke your privileges. You will no longer be allowed to go anywhere without at least three guards accompanying you and several will be posted outside your door at all times. You will be allowed no visitors without my supervision.”  
“So essentially you would make me a prisoner.”  
“Yes.” I rolled my eyes and glared at her, biting the inside of my lip. “I won’t let you put your own life in danger to save mine.”  
“And yet you expect me to?” She nodded. It angered me that she believed she had the right to hold me hostage ‘for my own good’, but I knew I wasn’t going to win this argument. I knew Lexa cared for me, even if her way of showing it tended to be overdramatic and unnecessary. “Whatever.”  
I walked over to the couch and opened my sketchbook to an empty page. I ignored Lexa, waiting for her to leave, but she didn’t. Instead, she searched the pile of books for the one she had been reading, pulled it out, and walked over to sit on the other couch. I watched her open the book and start reading.  
“Lexa, I’m not going anywhere. You don’t have to babysit me.” She looked over at me innocently, she seemed a little offended by something.  
“I’m not babysitting, Clarke. I’m reading.” Then she went back to reading her book, but her features were clouded with annoyance. There was a bit of attitude in her answer that I couldn’t quite understand. It bothered me a little but I brushed it off and continued my drawing.  
An hour later, I had a very detailed drawing of a forest. There was only so much I could do without color, but I was very proud of my results. I had always enjoyed being out in the wilderness. It was always so quiet and peaceful. It was one of my favorite places to be, especially when I just needed to be alone to think. I wondered how long it would be until I got to see the forest again.  
I looked up at Lexa, who was still sitting on the couch across from me reading her book. Her presence confused me. I couldn’t tell why she had stayed in my room with me. My first thought was that she just wanted to make sure I didn’t try to escape, but now I wasn’t so sure. It wouldn’t be the first time that Lexa and I had simply enjoyed each other’s company.  
“What are you still doing here, Lexa?” I asked. My tone was a little darker than I had intended it to be, but I didn’t let her know that.  
“Do you want me to leave?” She asked without looking away from her book.  
“You didn’t answer my question.” She sighed. She met my gaze easily and took a few seconds to consider her answer.  
“Despite what you think, I’m not here to keep you from doing anything stupid. As it turns out, I’m still here because I enjoy being in your presence.” We just stared at each other for a moment, me considering what she was saying and her trying to figure out my reaction. “Does that bother you?”  
After another moment, I shook my head. “No.” She smiled softly at me and my heart skipped a beat, like it always did when she smiled. My eyes skimmed over her features slowly and for once I didn’t try to hold back what I was feeling. Suddenly the argument that we had only an hour earlier was forgotten and all I wanted in that moment was her. I frowned, not quite understanding the feelings that I was having. The last time I had these types of feelings was with Finn. I loved Finn, enough to kill him myself to save him from hours of torture.  
But this was different. It wasn’t just because Lexa was a female. That aspect meant little to me. My feelings for Finn were almost expected. He clearly had interest in me from the day we stepped foot on the ground and it only grew more obvious as the days went by. I had known it was only a matter of time before we became something, though I wouldn’t have admitted it then. But what was happening with Lexa wasn’t like that. I hadn’t expected anything. After all, Lexa had been the enemy. My first impression of her hadn’t been very positive, though I had still envied her strength and confidence. Despite several bad experiences with her, she started to grow on me without me realizing it. My feelings for Lexa had somewhat crept up on me. They slowly grew every time we were together in a way that I hadn’t noticed until one day they were too strong to deny.  
Today was that day. Suddenly I wanted to know more about her. She had told me early on that she had saved me from that missile because she cared about me. She had realized her feelings for me much sooner than I had. I wanted to know why. My mind wandered to Costia, knowing it must have something to do with her.  
“Tell me about Costia.” I blurted out without thinking about it. Lexa seemed slightly surprised, but not offended. She took a moment to think about how to answer that question. She swallowed nervously before speaking.  
“We grew up together. We lived in the same village a long way from here, spent our days acting like normal children, playing and getting into all sorts of trouble. Both of us dreamed of becoming warriors. We used to have ‘sword fights’ in the woods with sticks that we found lying around. I let her win a lot.” She looked up at me and smiled as she remembered. “One day we were out playing like usual when we heard screams coming from our village. We ran back to the village to find our parents. They were dead. They had all been slaughtered by another clan. We were standing over their bodies when one of the invaders grabbed Costia and started to pull her away. She was so scared, it angered me beyond rationality. I picked up one of the swords that lay on the ground and killed the man who tried to take her. And then I killed fourteen more. That’s how they found me. A child as young as I was who was able to kill fifteen of her enemies during a battle was practically unheard of. Only a Nightblood could have those abilities. It didn’t take long for them to come for me. I insisted that they let me bring Costia, and they did. They brought us to Polis and began training immediately. Over the years, they turned Costia and I into the warriors that we had always dreamed of becoming.”  
“As we grew older, my feelings for Costia intensified. It took me a while to figure out what was happening, but eventually I realized that I loved her. I kept it to myself, knowing that there was no way she could possibly feel the same way. After all, she was my best friend. But one day, she came to me and confessed her love for me. I couldn’t believe it. I couldn’t believe that the girl I had loved for years loved me too. The next couple months were the happiest of my life. I became Heda soon after. One of the first things I did as Commander was create the Coalition to make sure that what had happened to our parents wouldn’t happen again. But the Ice Nation didn’t agree with my decision.” Her expression turned dark. “Costia paid the price.” She stood and turned away from me trying to hide the pain that she felt from reliving her memories, but I had seen the tear fall from her eyes.  
I placed my sketchbook and charcoal on the floor next to the couch and stood as well. I walked over to her side to see her wiping the tears away from her face and attempting to compose herself. She was so embarrassed by her display of emotion that she refused to look in my direction. I reached up and pulled her hand away from her face, turning her towards me. I stared into her eyes as I spoke.  
“You don’t have to hide from me, Lexa.” I watched as the pain in her eyes slowly started to dissipate and it was replaced by something else. Anticipation. Desire. Just as soon as I recognized the emotions, Lexa reached for me, pulling me towards her and pressing her lips against mine. One of her hands cupped the back of my neck, pushing my face up to hers while the other went down to my hip, pulling my body closer to hers. Instead of pulling away like I had the first time we kissed, I embraced it. I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her close to me just as she was doing.  
Several moments later, when both of us were out of breath, Lexa finally pulled away just enough for us both to breathe.  
“I’m not hiding.” She whispered to me. I smiled, caressing the hand that she used to hold my face. Then the moment was cut short by a knock on the door. Lexa pulled away from me and took several steps toward the door.  
“Come in.” The door opened and Titus walked in. He glanced at me for a second and then turned his attention back to Lexa.  
“My apologies, Heda. A problem has risen in one of the clans that requires your immediate attention.” The Commander nodded. She turned to look at me.  
“I’ll see you in the morning, Clarke.” I watched as she smiled lightly before following Titus out of the doors. Her attitude had almost completely changed when Titus had knocked on the door. It always did. The pressures of being Heda were great, so the Commander had to be calm, strong, and confident when anyone else was around. They needed to see her unwavering strength every second of the day. But whenever she was alone with me, her whole demeanor was different. It was as if she was a completely different person. She knew she could let her guard down around me. I smiled at the thought of Lexa knowing that she was safe to be who she really was around me.  
I was disappointed that she had to leave, but I knew that she had to. I sighed, wondering what to do with the rest of my day. After a moment, I grabbed my coin purse and left the room. To my surprise, there were no guards posted at my door, and none that I passed seemed to care that I was leaving. I supposed that the conversation and kiss that Lexa and I had shared had convinced her that I wasn’t going to try to run away. Either that or she felt that her threats of locking me up were enough to scare me into complying.  
Polis was magnificent. One could buy just about anything they wanted in the market. With vendor after vendor, there was no shortage of choices. I found a vendor that sold unique weapons and I decided to get a knife that could be tucked into my boot, and then I bought a sword which came with a wraparound sheath so it would be at my back instead of my hip. I wandered around the market for a while longer, not planning to buy anything but not wanting to go sit in my room and do nothing.  
I found it interesting that everyone around me purposefully avoided meeting my eyes. I noticed several people glancing in my direction and then whispering to the people next to them. They feared me. Some of them hated me. Many of them had had bad experiences with Skaikru, or heard of the treachery that Skaikru had inflicted, and they saw me as the enemy. I tried not to hold this against them, since my people had made some questionable choices and I had killed three hundred of them all in one night.  
I was about to head back to my quarters when I noticed a young boy at a vendor close by. The boy was little more than skin and bones, clearly he hadn’t eaten in days, maybe even more than that. He was trying to buy a fish from the woman behind the vendor. She explained to the boy that the money he had wasn’t enough to buy a fish of that size.  
“Gemza fom net mi tol.” I was a little slow with the translation, but eventually I was able to decipher the boys’ words as ‘But I have to feed my family’. Sympathy flashed in the woman’s eyes, but it still wasn’t enough to get her to give him the fish. After all, she probably had a family of her own to feed. I stepped forward and put two coins on the surface in front of the woman.  
“Two fish for the boy please.” She looked up at me with a confused face. I wasn’t sure if she would understand what I had said, but then she responded. By that point, the situation had caught the attention of several passerby’s and they stopped to observe what was happening.  
“Yes, Wanheda.” She cut the two largest fish down that she had, after all, the money that I had given her was probably enough for three. She handed the fish to the little boy, who turned to look at me with a hesitant smile on his face. I handed him another coin and patted his shoulder before I started to walk away.  
“Wanheda.” I turned to look back at the boy. “Mochof.” That was easy for me to translate, it meant ‘thank you’. I smiled back at the boy and everyone stared as I marched off towards the Commanders building.


End file.
